I keep forgetting that I write. I keep forgetting Derek. I keep forgetting.....I keep forgetting to write all the time everyday. But the problem is.. I don't have a computer so working from home isn't an option. I write freehand, I love it but I forget to put all of my thought on my blog. There are so many  blogs and writers and people who are actually building themselves. I am very jealous of it because I want to do the same things but I have NO way of doing this on a regular basis because I AM BROKE. SO WOE IS me until then.

Small Businesses Don't Play By the Rules

In these times where big companies are going under every second and everyone is relying on the small business to compensate for the lack of employment in this country, I often think why? I have worked for numerous small businesses and all the time they never play by the rules. What I mean in rules I mean that the owners often treat their employees as modern day slaves. Dangling their wages in front on their face as if to persuade them to act and do certain things that are beyond necessary in order for them to get paid OR get fired. Owners are also often stressed out, completely unaware that their actions can to cause a stir and their businesses can be in jeopardy. The unpaid holidays, no medical, no paid days off basically no work no pay no benefits. Work or die or just have less monies and no possible way to make it up. I hope this isn't what America is trying to turn us onto-working for small businesses? If that is the case they can shove it. So many small businesses don't have anything to offer except for a temporary job for the time being. That's it no more no less. Working for undesirable owners who don't even know how to treat a human being who works for them with dignity or respect and paying them when they feel like it. I say no to small businesses. I have been on that side for awhile because of the high demands for big time companies, but now since I am older I understand why they are the way they are. They do give the people working for them enough. It's just that some people at the top are greedy . Small companies have to give their employees something desirable in order for their employees to feel like this is a type of job that they can hold on to for awhile and not feel as if they are working for their right to have a decent meal a day. In 2012 we should be far ahead than where we are now. It's sad that we are scraping the near bottom to exist. 

Until Then... (Poem)

I must be going crazy. Crazy seems just right in this case. I think about you even when I am not trying to think about you, but I am not close to you nor do I know you but I do know you and it's weird. It's weird because I am not brave enough to even say Hi. I'm not even brave enough to look into your eyes because I will get stuck there and then you will know. And you'll treat me as some plague so I am just going to relax and keep my feelings for you to myself and my dreams. Oh yeah I dream about you. More than once and sometimes they are wet, flowing like the Niagra and you do a great job of keeping me like that. It lies somewhere between magic and Heaven and it's sweeter than any honey bees can make.

But....and there is always a "but" especially in times like these. Where I know now that I won't ever be good anough for you because society will say so and you cater to what society thinks. This is where I lose my interest in you. I see you could be a great man, beyond any expectation that the world may have for you. But you're too easily influenced and I wouldn't want to be with a man who is puppeted by what others think or say because at the end of the day they are just as confused about their wants and needs as the rest of us. Then I see you not giving two shits about what someone else thinks or say. You could just be not attracted to me....then again I am not so sure if that's the problem. Could it be me? Yes probably. I have my own insecurities but I have been through enough experience to understand that with you I maybe right about my assumptions.

What does it say about me??? I'm just not ready to be open with you because it will be a got damn uphill battle with you and that's what I am scared of. And I am not going up that hill unless you take my hand and we can walk it together. I will not waste my time chasing after you. I do see you and I do get you.

In the meantime my dreams are my saftey net.  Everything is a weird perfect world, no one cares, everyone is happy, we are happy being our weird happy selves. There's no judgement, no pressure just happiness. In reality I am not so sure....yet I still want to wrap my legs around your head.... it's just a thought, but a sweet one that makes me smile...someday I will have the courage to tell you these things, right now I won't because you don't deserve it. Until then .... See you in my dreams.

Hey Ya'll I am back at writing again. I had to take a few months to myself and realize that writing is not only a passion of mines - it's just what I do and I love it. So much has happened in the past few months makes me re-think about what I want my life to look like and who do I value in it. I recently went back to Seattle to see my family after 5 years of not being there and finally seeing Gaga (Grandmother and it's not pronounced like GAGA, Lady GAGA nope just Gaga). It was hard to see her in the state that she was in but I am glad I got to see her and spend sometime with her. I came back to New York feeling great and not yet done with Seattle when a week and a half later I got the call to bury Gaga. I still am coping, she was our first mother, a fine lady, smart, knew money and how to use it and raised her daughters and grandchildren, cousins , uncles, friends and even co-workers. But what she left us all with was the knowledge that you can be who you want to be and writing is me. Even though I still want to be a mathematician I will always be a writer. I am happy to have another chance of going back home for Christmas to see my family once again and greet them with warm hugs and great memories to make for the years to come. The future has endless possibilities and I will make those happen. Until then my good people. Look out....cause here I come.

Curly Girl Collective 5-22-11

A NYC event of Curlies in the City!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

The Booty, The Myth and The Hassles

Beauty is everything. At least for some people and yes I do enjoy beauty but it's not everything. But I have been blessed. I see so many young girls that idolize these "fashion Hip-Hop models" that have big asses and want the same thing to the point they get the fucked up surgery just to walk around rockin the most biggest, lopsided and unshapely booties ever. This is all just to get attention from rappers and ballers and the alike. I get wanting to look and feel sexy and have a nice bubble poke through your clothes but as a woman with a natural big bottom that isn't so.

The myth: Looking good in Jeans: And that's a IF and a big one. IF you can actually find jeans that go over your hips and has enough room in the back to fit the shape of your butt. Ain't nothing like a woman with a big butt showing the world her crack just because the booty part of the jeans can't even cover the cheek. Which brings me to another point most of the women that get the booty enhancement never have enough hips to support the booty. This is prolly the only reason why they can fit jeans.

Unlike myself I went into Levi's to try on some jeans and was throughly dissapointed to the point where I balled up on the floor in the corner of Levi's store dressing room and cried. The woman who helped me felt for me because I was so hurt. She felt my pain. And since I can't afford the money as of now to get customed made jeans I have boycotted jeans until I can actually find a designer that can make a jean to fit my needs. I have tried them all 7, Apple Bottoms....etc.. yes NONE of them work for me. Old Navy jeans can get over my butt...BUT they leave me with the bulge in the front and that's not cute.

Stretchy pants FORGET ABOUT IT. Unless I wanna walk through the streets of New York with a sore ass, it's like I am setting myself up for disaster LOL! I avoid Harlem during that time too. I know people aren't supposed to touch you but most of smacking my ass would come from the women.

This is why I stick to dresses, slacks and some other clothing that will fit, show of my figure in the most conservative way. And then again I wanna be sexy too...I don't wanna walk around with a moo moo on just because I am scared of what people would do. *Sigh* I am just rablin. I'll come back later.

Updates

So I have been meaning to get to the last part of "Adventures of Bombquisha" and I have been too pre-occupied with "stuff" in general. It will be up soon. Sometimes I have to go over what I have written and go with that, at least I can still create stories and let my imagination go crazy.

Dreams About Derek is 50% done and I mean with the thumbnails, the drawing won't take that long and the inking I'm not at all worried. But I do think I need an editor, because at times I miss stuff and the smallest things too. So I think I'll just have to dip into the non-existent funds that I have and pay someone to re-read what I wrote. I mean at times I catch myself and then sometimes I feel like I cannot form a sentence at all. LOL! But that comes with being a writer right? Especially if you are a creative writer. We're not as "literal" as you think. But I am happy the project is moving along.

Now I have a very special updat because I am working on a project that I know many of you will like. I am very excited about this because I think this will be a nice webisode. YES!!!! And I can't say enough of how challenging this piece was to write because of all the subliminal messages that I throw in there about this wrecked society. Most def it is Sci/Fi with a bang... Stay tunned....