It's easy to revert into a clamshell, I could right now and let myself dissolve into a puddle of a bleeding fleshy mess. I am really trying hard not to do that. So I am sitting here writing my thoughts out. Keeps me sane. I have always been a peace keeper, yeah I talk shit and errthang but I blossom in peace. But I am angry. I am so angry right now I have thoughts of doing all kinds of things I normally wouldn't. I am so tempted to tap into the crazy side of me and unleash the beast-tess that is dormant in me. If I do that I know I would die as a person and all feelings I have ever had will no longer be apart of me and I will suffer. Suffering is not what I want to do. I want to learn from everything I do. I may even make more mistakes but I'll tread lightly.
I have been through all kinds of pain, all kinds and honestly I should be a hostile person, but I am pleasantly surprised at myself that I keep on holding on to some sort of goodness that I can't even see. I can feel it but I don't wanna loose that grip and my hand is slipping. I pride myself on having some self control. On the other side I am still human and I make mistakes. I dunno really what all this is supposed to mean but it's making me feel a lot better. Better about myself and seeing that the future isn't gonna be as nearly as hard as it is now.
