I keep forgetting that I write. I keep forgetting Derek. I keep forgetting.....I keep forgetting to write all the time everyday. But the problem is.. I don't have a computer so working from home isn't an option. I write freehand, I love it but I forget to put all of my thought on my blog. There are so many  blogs and writers and people who are actually building themselves. I am very jealous of it because I want to do the same things but I have NO way of doing this on a regular basis because I AM BROKE. SO WOE IS me until then.

Small Businesses Don't Play By the Rules

In these times where big companies are going under every second and everyone is relying on the small business to compensate for the lack of employment in this country, I often think why? I have worked for numerous small businesses and all the time they never play by the rules. What I mean in rules I mean that the owners often treat their employees as modern day slaves. Dangling their wages in front on their face as if to persuade them to act and do certain things that are beyond necessary in order for them to get paid OR get fired. Owners are also often stressed out, completely unaware that their actions can to cause a stir and their businesses can be in jeopardy. The unpaid holidays, no medical, no paid days off basically no work no pay no benefits. Work or die or just have less monies and no possible way to make it up. I hope this isn't what America is trying to turn us onto-working for small businesses? If that is the case they can shove it. So many small businesses don't have anything to offer except for a temporary job for the time being. That's it no more no less. Working for undesirable owners who don't even know how to treat a human being who works for them with dignity or respect and paying them when they feel like it. I say no to small businesses. I have been on that side for awhile because of the high demands for big time companies, but now since I am older I understand why they are the way they are. They do give the people working for them enough. It's just that some people at the top are greedy . Small companies have to give their employees something desirable in order for their employees to feel like this is a type of job that they can hold on to for awhile and not feel as if they are working for their right to have a decent meal a day. In 2012 we should be far ahead than where we are now. It's sad that we are scraping the near bottom to exist. 

Until Then... (Poem)

I must be going crazy. Crazy seems just right in this case. I think about you even when I am not trying to think about you, but I am not close to you nor do I know you but I do know you and it's weird. It's weird because I am not brave enough to even say Hi. I'm not even brave enough to look into your eyes because I will get stuck there and then you will know. And you'll treat me as some plague so I am just going to relax and keep my feelings for you to myself and my dreams. Oh yeah I dream about you. More than once and sometimes they are wet, flowing like the Niagra and you do a great job of keeping me like that. It lies somewhere between magic and Heaven and it's sweeter than any honey bees can make.

But....and there is always a "but" especially in times like these. Where I know now that I won't ever be good anough for you because society will say so and you cater to what society thinks. This is where I lose my interest in you. I see you could be a great man, beyond any expectation that the world may have for you. But you're too easily influenced and I wouldn't want to be with a man who is puppeted by what others think or say because at the end of the day they are just as confused about their wants and needs as the rest of us. Then I see you not giving two shits about what someone else thinks or say. You could just be not attracted to me....then again I am not so sure if that's the problem. Could it be me? Yes probably. I have my own insecurities but I have been through enough experience to understand that with you I maybe right about my assumptions.

What does it say about me??? I'm just not ready to be open with you because it will be a got damn uphill battle with you and that's what I am scared of. And I am not going up that hill unless you take my hand and we can walk it together. I will not waste my time chasing after you. I do see you and I do get you.

In the meantime my dreams are my saftey net.  Everything is a weird perfect world, no one cares, everyone is happy, we are happy being our weird happy selves. There's no judgement, no pressure just happiness. In reality I am not so sure....yet I still want to wrap my legs around your head.... it's just a thought, but a sweet one that makes me smile...someday I will have the courage to tell you these things, right now I won't because you don't deserve it. Until then .... See you in my dreams.