It's easy to revert into a clamshell, I could right now and let myself dissolve into a puddle of a bleeding fleshy mess. I am really trying hard not to do that. So I am sitting here writing my thoughts out. Keeps me sane. I have always been a peace keeper, yeah I talk shit and errthang but I blossom in peace. But I am angry. I am so angry right now I have thoughts of doing all kinds of things I normally wouldn't. I am so tempted to tap into the crazy side of me and unleash the beast-tess that is dormant in me. If I do that I know I would die as a person and all feelings I have ever had will no longer be apart of me and I will suffer. Suffering is not what I want to do. I want to learn from everything I do. I may even make more mistakes but I'll tread lightly.
I have been through all kinds of pain, all kinds and honestly I should be a hostile person, but I am pleasantly surprised at myself that I keep on holding on to some sort of goodness that I can't even see. I can feel it but I don't wanna loose that grip and my hand is slipping. I pride myself on having some self control. On the other side I am still human and I make mistakes. I dunno really what all this is supposed to mean but it's making me feel a lot better. Better about myself and seeing that the future isn't gonna be as nearly as hard as it is now.
Stayls, you must NOT lose focus of who you are as an individual! Unfortnatley, this is the "sucky"or "down side" of change and transition. This is apart of life we have to go through and experience emotions we'd prefer to keep locked away at times but I promise it only makes us better human beings. It is important to cleanse our souls and spirits so if you must cry then do so it is all part of mending our souls. Stay true to yourself and fight the evil urges! You MUST NOT let the DEMONS of depression and self pity ROB you of your light, spirit, soul, purity! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! ALWAYS know this..
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